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I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.
Girls worry about the things that guys forget. Guys worry about the things that girls remember.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to bring my camera.
If I went to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work.
That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
A man falls in love through his eyes, a women through her ears.
I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
My secret talent is getting tired without doing anything.
Love is a long sweet dream & marriage is an alarm clock..
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. HER HEART.
I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode.
I have a great sense of humor. I just keep it in my pocket, and sometimes I forget to take it out.
I Wish My Parents Were Like Google. They Should Understand Me Even Before I Complete.
I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side, there’s nothing right, and on the right side, there’s nothing left.
I can resist anything except temptation… and pizza.
I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not you.
I don’t always listen to music, but when I do, I prefer to use headphones so nobody else has to listen to my terrible singing.
Hello, problems. I’m your regular customer, but please give me a break now.
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
The new way of forgetting your past is deleting your chats.
I put my heart and soul into my work and lost my brain in the process
I tried to catch some fog earlier, but I mist.
Good music, Wi-Fi, a fully charged battery, and my Friday night is good to go.
I’m not short; I’m fun size.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
People keep saying “I hate to bother you.” Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.
I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but have you ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together?
I don’t always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure to take a selfie to prove it.
Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
Sorry about those texts I sent you, last night, my phone was drunk.
I wouldn’t say you’re stupid. You are, but I wouldn’t say it.
My teacher today gave 45 minute speech about not wasting time.
Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me I will laugh at you 😀
Finding a job in this economy is like playing Where’s Waldo? Except that Waldo is looking for a job, too.
I don’t always have a witty comeback, but when I do, I forget it two seconds later.
Trust me you will dance- Alcohol
Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room together?
If only I could get a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I’m not clumsy; the floor just hates me.
I’m not lazy; I’m just conserving my energy for important things, like scrolling through Facebook.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
I’m not failed…my success is just postponed for some time.
When nothing seems right….go left!!
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
A woman is like a tea bag, you cannot tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
When a girl says she’ll be ready in 5 more minutes, it’s the same as when a guy says the game has 5 minutes left.
I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.
Only Marriage is the major cause of divorce.
Awesome ends with ME and Ugly starts with you.
Some people call me Mike, You can call me tonight.
Insult and wife are somewhat similar….They always look good…If it is not yours!!!!
I’m Jealous of My Parents… I’ll Never Have a Kid as Cool as Theirs!!!
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
Love your girl like you love your Coffee… Enjoy it before its hotness goes.
I love buying new things but I hate spending money.
I hate math but I love counting money.
I believe in hate at first sight.
There’s always a person that you hate for no reason.
If I get jealous then yes I really like you.
We all are born to die don’t feel more special than me.
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.
I’m not arguing, I’m simply tried to explaining why I’m Right.
Laziness is me middle name.
I wonder if I’ve met the person I’m going to marry.
Math Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.
You have eyes my dear but you cannot see.
The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
The only reason god made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent.
Read books instead of reading my status!
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out of it alive.
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world each day fit exactly the length of newspaper!!
My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
A black cat passing by the crossroad can stop hundreds of people what a RED LIGHT on traffic signal has failed to do for long time!!
In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.
When I Show you a picture on my phone..don’t swipe left.don’t swipe right.Just look.
I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
life is short…smile while you still have teeth.
Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.
People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.
80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.